“It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness.”
– J.K Rowling
My doctor upped my dosage of anti-depressant meds today. I’m kinda glad, but then kinda also annoyed at myself because I thought I was doing so well until I wasn’t, and it’s like will I ever get better? Like well and truly better?
I also told my dad that I am on anti-depressants tonight, and I feel awful because I didn’t tell him when I first went on them, and then it just makes me feel down all over again thinking about how awful he must be feeling that he didn’t know. I honestly hate feeling like this. I had a few months of bliss of being happy, truly better, so I have a goal of where I want to be, but I don’t want to rely on these meds forever. Once this semester of Uni is over I think I will look at going back down to the smaller dosage. I know now that I have taken way too much on, with going back to full time study and now having this job crisis where everyone has to reapply for jobs and it’s just super stressful. But I can’t help thinking that it’s somehow my fault that I am back to feeling depressed all the time. I just want it to stop.
I am sorry for the not so happy post tonight, but it’s all that’s on my mind right now, and writing about things on my mind always makes me slightly happier. I think I might put Ella Enchanted on and watch it right now. I still haven’t seen it yet and a work colleague said it is one of her favourite girly movies.
What do you guys do to cheer up? Comments and stuff would honestly be so great right now, I love hearing from you guys 🙂