State of mind

State of mind

“It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness.”

– J.K Rowling

My doctor upped my dosage of anti-depressant meds today. I’m kinda glad, but then kinda also annoyed at myself because I thought I was doing so well until I wasn’t, and it’s like will I ever get better? Like well and truly better?

I also told my dad that I am on anti-depressants tonight, and I feel awful because I didn’t tell him when I first went on them, and then it just makes me feel down all over again thinking about how awful he must be feeling that he didn’t know. I honestly hate feeling like this. I had a few months of bliss of being happy, truly better, so I have a goal of where I want to be, but I don’t want to rely on these meds forever. Once this semester of Uni is over I think I will look at going back down to the smaller dosage. I know now that I have taken way too much on, with going back to full time study and now having this job crisis where everyone has to reapply for jobs and it’s just super stressful. But I can’t help thinking that it’s somehow my fault that I am back to feeling depressed all the time. I just want it to stop.

I am sorry for the not so happy post tonight, but it’s all that’s on my mind right now, and writing about things on my mind always makes me slightly happier. I think I might put Ella Enchanted on and watch it right now. I still haven’t seen it yet and a work colleague said it is one of her favourite girly movies.

What do you guys do to cheer up? Comments and stuff would honestly be so great right now, I love hearing from you guys 🙂

– M

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5 thoughts on “State of mind

  1. Cuddles from Dave always helps me. But you’ll have to come to Au to get them lol
    Otherwise separating yourself from the world by writing, listening to music or writing are great. When I’m feeling depressed I like listening to darker music. Normally anything from Breaking Benjamin or RED or Skillet are great recommendations.

    Like

  2. Depression and anxiety have been lifelong companions, via the agency of violent childhood trauma. The challenges described in your post might very well have been expressed by either myself or my partner. Simply finding another soul out there in the ether who feels the way i feel cheers me up.
    Thankyou.

    Like

    1. You are very welcome 😊 I just kind of amble along, and then sometimes I find someone who is in a similar mind state and I have someone I can vent with. If you are needing a person to vent with then my ears are all yours.

      Liked by 1 person

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